On Brilliance and Bravery

Not quite sure what  to do with this week.  'A sad happy day in the Alexander Residence' I think I tweeted.  Here is the only way I have found to explain it, a bleat from behind the tweet...

I want to say a huge thanks for the votes and the award.   I couldn't believe I was nominated, never mind winning the Fresh Voice category.  I am surrounded by brilliance at every turn, constantly in awe of amazing blogs.

The award was a lovely shiny beacon of happiness in a week which has been one of the worst in my life.  My mum has brain cancer.  I haven't blogged about this, because the blog is one of my coping mechanisms.  Last week she was admitted to hospital, became very sleepy and today, for the first time, the word hospice was spoken.  She has put up an amazing fight against a very aggressive form of cancer.  I have had a lot longer to come to terms with this than I thought I would, two and a half years.

I haven't been blogging very long, but I feel hugely supported by this community.  I am surrounded by so much brilliance.   Blogging and tweeting help to keep me going, the jokes, the banter.  Which is why I have been avoiding talking about cancer here, I don't want to alter things.   But then it became like a huge bubble of subtext which was ready to burst.  Sad news is weird, people stop talking to you.  I feel like I am taking a gamble here....Please please keep talking to me.  I have stumbled on new blogs before when people have been going through bad times and not been sure if it was invading.  You're not. 

I may be a bit raw, all over the place but I intend to blog through this.   Probably more about the normal stuff than the bad stuff, because that's how I deal with it.  My good friend whose sister lived through cancer told me cancer needs a box, you can take it out of the box, explore it, think about it, cry about it, but then it has to go back in the box. 

Dedicating the award to My Mum x