Can you be a writer and a parent?

Reading PopCo by Scarlett Thomas and wishing I had written it. Love all the themes, the complexity of the plot and the language. Its so full of fascinating stories, research, ideas and concepts. So modern and tied into contemporary consumerist culture - video games, virtual worlds, technology, marketing, but also steeped in history, e.g. world war two code breakers and pirates. As a parent I found the insights into the ways toys are marketed to children (and parents) thought provoking. I can see Miss L being sucked in to every advert she sees. I know she will become more media savvy with age and encouragement of course, but its so easy to get swayed by stuff you don't need, even as an adult.
What I love about the book as a writer is the research. Apart from the mountains of research into popular culture I can also almost see how Thomas might have made use of random ideas collected in a writer's notebook. The bizarre dream when she falls asleep to music, rather than just falling asleep. The description of the Icelandic girl's attire or the way Esther re plaits her hair in between talking. Little details that are so telling. The sound of French and English voices dissolving in the sea like salt, during a pirate battle at sea. Newspaper stories and reports that have fed in. It is very research heavy, but so well written and intelligently crafted into a much bigger picture.
Whenever I come across a great author I immediately look at their profile, how old, do they have kids? And make comparisons. So Scarlett Thomas is a little older than me, but she already had eight novels under her belt. Does she have kids? I am not sure, I reckon not. Somewhere I recollect a quote about not having kids if you want to be a writer ha ha!
Holiday has been a good time to re fire my enthusiasm for writing. But a bit of a non day as far as holidays go. Very lazy though which is great, so actually probably a very good holiday day. Missing OH. Miss L feeling poorly and Mr G still full of green snot. Trip to the beach this am ended in lots of tears. Miss L just feeling poorly and missing Daddy I think. Lovely splash in the pool this pm and lots of reading and watching old kids TV shows OH has thoughtfully downloaded onto the ipad- Jetsons, Flumps, Dangermouse.
Loving the sound of the sea and hanging out in our swim stuff. Just wish there was more time to lie uninterrupted on a lounger. By the time I come to accept holidays aren't what they used to be the kids won't want me around. They'll be off making new friends and trying to avoid me, or doing anything. At the moment that's my main drive!

Sometimes its so hard to be a parent. I love my kids, they make me so proud, so happy. But I do think I spend a lot of time trying to avoid them, or rather trying to get a minute's peace. At the end of the day I love looking back over what my two did, the magic moments, the ordinary stuff. I just wish I had more energy to be full on mum. But sometimes I think that's not what they need either, they need space to be a kid, to find out themselves, to learn to deal with boredom, to be curious and inventive. Please don't let me look back and regret I didn't spend more time with them at this stage though. Aghh another tricky balance.

Daily writing habit is coming together nicely! Hope I can keep it up at home.

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Just a bit of light holiday reading

4.30pm
Full of cold. Why does holiday spell immune system breakdown! Decided this holiday must have been more needed than I realised. Read about Eat Pray Love in OH's rejected copy of The Times. I am a Guardian reader normally so it takes a bit of getting used to, but some good articles. Can't believe the whole Eat Pray Love book/film/merchandise opportunity has passed me by. Majorly interesting. Especially a point about our grandmothers not having the choices we have now, and so not having the neurosis that goes with 'should I have gone to art school' type decisions. In some ways life is simpler without so much choice. Although my Grandma worked, I always felt she was better at finding pleasure in simple things cooking, gardening, crosswords, than my generation will ever be.

I keep typing Eat Sleep Pray instead, what does that say about me- hungry and tired? (Finding vegetarian food here is ok, lots of egg and chips. Salads are great though. Wish paella was more often found in veggie format).

Also read great article in Company mag about full time mums. Not my usual read either, but loved seeding a celebration of those who choose to mum and not chase everything or 'juggle blackberries and baby bottles' as the caption ran. It really is rare that' just being a mum' is celebrated and glamorised. OK so we know it isn't a glamorous job really, but I really think the photos and profiles raised the profile of mothering. Some gorgeous shots of mums and their kids who were really loving their time together. And the message that it is fine to just be a mum, that it is a positive lifestyle choice, if that's what you want of course. I particularly liked the profile of the ex journalist who used blogging as a creative outlet. But the message seemed to be that you needed an outlet as well as motherhood, a social network, virtual or otherwise.
Fully aware that these things are very personal choices. My own views on motherhood change weekly, sometimes I love not working, other days I feel like I am missing out. Last month I would probably have flung an article like that at the wall, this month it made me feel really positive about my status. (I am studying, after four years I decided I couldn't just be a mum. But those four years were brilliant).
Both these articles raised different issues for me about the status of women in society and the complex new ground my generation negotiates on a daily basis. Hmmm, might try and find a trashy novel, this is meant to be a holiday after all.

10.25
Very snotty, have a full on summer head cold yuk. Have been sleepy, grumpy and irritable all day whilst trying to pretend it's no big deal. Sorry lovely family. Still happy times and a reality check or two. Kids don't like Spanish food so why bother, kids need a routine or they can't cope. Tomorrow will see sandwiches, fruit snacks and no three hour hanging round the villa trying to pretend we don't have kids to entertain! So weird to be on this kind of holiday with two kids. Have seen lots of couples with one under five but very few with two. Are we therefore mad? OH leaves for mid holiday business trip tom, feeling slightly apprehensive, mainly about the steep incline from beach to villa with kids and beach bag, but like anything I set out to do on my own with the kids, it will prob prove to be a really special bonding adventure. (In other words, a day of bribes and anything goes to survive ;)
Nearly lost all our swimming costumes to the washing machine today after I managed to pull the handle off trying to open it. Fortunately OH rescued the situation with a coat hanger and a torch.
Still working my way through the paper. Read about the pope, still trying to work out how I feel about his comments about atheism. Also the position of women and homosexuals in his religion and the safeguarding of children. The Times finally went in the bin after OH knocked wine over it. Not before I read about the spy found in a holdall. Blimey, poor bloke having his autoerotic sexual practices on page one of The Sunday Times. Wierd world. Anyway enough serious thought for one holiday, it really was time for The Times to leave my brain to mariande in sangria and trashy novels.

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