Sink or swim. Me, the kids and the Costa del Sol.

1pm
the villa
Lovely morning playing and swimming followed by an alfresco dinner of pasta and melon which the kids wolfed. Just goes to show they will eat when its food they recognise. Felt like we were all in the swing of it. Next year we are definitely having two weeks, it takes a few days to get a routine and wind down. But still feel I have had time to think lots of things over that had been bugging me at home.
Sadly the perfect holiday picture was shattered by having to wave OH off from the door of our villa, to go to work. Felt very strange to be standing in sunshine surrounded by palm trees, rather than opening our door onto rain and a main road. God I could get used to it though! How cool to have the beach as your playground? Juggled both kids OK in the pool today, G seems happier staying on the side and Miss L can manage on her own with an inflatable hoop. Although G fell in the pool running round the edge. He had armbands on so came up v fast and I was seconds away. But made my heart pound.

Siesta time now. G has crashed, L is watching The Jetsons on the ipad. So glad we have it as even after years of being a media teacher a new telly totally throws me. The one in our villa is ancient and the satellite box is giving off tiny electric shocks. Didn't realise what was happening at first, thought I had pins in needles in my fingers, then I realised I was leaning on the sat box and it was vibrating and pulsing. Lovely villa, if a little low tech.

L: Mummy can't you work the telly?
Me: Just concentrating, give me a minute gorgeous.
L: We need daddy to fix it.
Me: No Mummy can fix things.
After ten minutes and a few shocks I gave up.

Miss L seems to be getting into holiday mood too, I think she really struggles with the change. She seemed to finally click today that the relaxing of rules means more than one treat a day but not every toy and treat that comes in sight. We realised last night that we had relaxed so many rules the kids had no idea what was what. Back to the old routine and they are just lovely. Blimey this holidaying lark is a minefield!

3pm

Both busy collecting leaves and flowers in Saucepans to 'cook' on the little BBQ in the garden. Got to lie on a lounger and read my book for 5 mins. Popco and co, by Scarlett Thomas. A really amazing read. Apart from the fact she is an amazing, engaging writer it is about toy companies, how they operate and the evilness that is marketing to children. So on both levels I am utterly hooked. In fact enough of this back to the book.
Before I do though, note to self - spend more time observing people in notebook. The way Thomas weaves these kind of observations in is brilliant. Read back over some I wrote in my notebook at the hospital with mum. Made much better characters than anything I could ever try and make up.

Determined I will get some sunbathing in while the kids are peaceful.

10.15pm
Survived a day abroad on my own. Got down to the beach and back with no tantrums. I swear they play up more when OH is here. Or I do.
They have been so good. Dead proud!
I even ordered our drinks in Spanish. Finally a waiter who seemed quite patient and willing to repeat things in Spanish for me, rather than buzzing straight into English. Will perhaps try food tomorrow, although the word for eggs is tricky and eggs have been the basis of all our veggie meals so far. My stomach feels so wobbly after only a week and a half of no exercise. Not a good sign, like I need to do sit ups every day for the rest of my life to keep the wobbles at bay.

Had a lovely bath and a face pack as I am 'home alone'. Still a little freaked out by being in the villa alone. Not quite sure how I will entertain them all day tom, although they are very good at finding places to hide...

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Just a bit of light holiday reading

4.30pm
Full of cold. Why does holiday spell immune system breakdown! Decided this holiday must have been more needed than I realised. Read about Eat Pray Love in OH's rejected copy of The Times. I am a Guardian reader normally so it takes a bit of getting used to, but some good articles. Can't believe the whole Eat Pray Love book/film/merchandise opportunity has passed me by. Majorly interesting. Especially a point about our grandmothers not having the choices we have now, and so not having the neurosis that goes with 'should I have gone to art school' type decisions. In some ways life is simpler without so much choice. Although my Grandma worked, I always felt she was better at finding pleasure in simple things cooking, gardening, crosswords, than my generation will ever be.

I keep typing Eat Sleep Pray instead, what does that say about me- hungry and tired? (Finding vegetarian food here is ok, lots of egg and chips. Salads are great though. Wish paella was more often found in veggie format).

Also read great article in Company mag about full time mums. Not my usual read either, but loved seeding a celebration of those who choose to mum and not chase everything or 'juggle blackberries and baby bottles' as the caption ran. It really is rare that' just being a mum' is celebrated and glamorised. OK so we know it isn't a glamorous job really, but I really think the photos and profiles raised the profile of mothering. Some gorgeous shots of mums and their kids who were really loving their time together. And the message that it is fine to just be a mum, that it is a positive lifestyle choice, if that's what you want of course. I particularly liked the profile of the ex journalist who used blogging as a creative outlet. But the message seemed to be that you needed an outlet as well as motherhood, a social network, virtual or otherwise.
Fully aware that these things are very personal choices. My own views on motherhood change weekly, sometimes I love not working, other days I feel like I am missing out. Last month I would probably have flung an article like that at the wall, this month it made me feel really positive about my status. (I am studying, after four years I decided I couldn't just be a mum. But those four years were brilliant).
Both these articles raised different issues for me about the status of women in society and the complex new ground my generation negotiates on a daily basis. Hmmm, might try and find a trashy novel, this is meant to be a holiday after all.

10.25
Very snotty, have a full on summer head cold yuk. Have been sleepy, grumpy and irritable all day whilst trying to pretend it's no big deal. Sorry lovely family. Still happy times and a reality check or two. Kids don't like Spanish food so why bother, kids need a routine or they can't cope. Tomorrow will see sandwiches, fruit snacks and no three hour hanging round the villa trying to pretend we don't have kids to entertain! So weird to be on this kind of holiday with two kids. Have seen lots of couples with one under five but very few with two. Are we therefore mad? OH leaves for mid holiday business trip tom, feeling slightly apprehensive, mainly about the steep incline from beach to villa with kids and beach bag, but like anything I set out to do on my own with the kids, it will prob prove to be a really special bonding adventure. (In other words, a day of bribes and anything goes to survive ;)
Nearly lost all our swimming costumes to the washing machine today after I managed to pull the handle off trying to open it. Fortunately OH rescued the situation with a coat hanger and a torch.
Still working my way through the paper. Read about the pope, still trying to work out how I feel about his comments about atheism. Also the position of women and homosexuals in his religion and the safeguarding of children. The Times finally went in the bin after OH knocked wine over it. Not before I read about the spy found in a holdall. Blimey, poor bloke having his autoerotic sexual practices on page one of The Sunday Times. Wierd world. Anyway enough serious thought for one holiday, it really was time for The Times to leave my brain to mariande in sangria and trashy novels.

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