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Alexander Residence: Bullyproof

Monday, 12 September 2011


I've put my teacher hat on for this vlog.  Britmums are talking about bullying.

I appreciate this could be misinterpreted, particularly by those experiencing bullying, therefore it comes with a heavy disclaimer. Bullying is an emotional and complex topic, and every situation is different.  I am by no means suggesting that these are the sole reasons why children are bullied.

There are always incidents of bullying that have no logic, that become too engrained for tactics such as these to bear any fruit. Children can be incredibly cruel to each other for no particular reason.

These are observations, based on my classroom practice and the research studies of others, as to how children learn to 'bullyproof' themselves, and others.

I would be interested to know what you think.  Have you had to bullyproof your child, or yourself?  What worked and what didn't?

Look out for more Britmums vlogs on this topic, in the Education section of the Videos area.  I'm really interested to hear what parents have to say.

Useful contacts and resources on bullying.

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At 12 September 2011 at 11:57 , Blogger Emma said...

Thanks Penny, some excellent tips there, not just for children being bullied, but also to help children fit into school generally! Emma :)

At 12 September 2011 at 13:15 , Anonymous Midlife Singlemum said...

Very interesting. I was expecting it to be about how to deal with bullying but it was rather about how to make your child less likely to be bullied in the first place. Excellent strategy to plan ahead rather than have to do crisis management.

At 12 September 2011 at 22:28 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really interesting, particularly about keeping a calm face, not heard that before.

At 12 September 2011 at 22:34 , Blogger The Alexander Residence said...

Emma I think you are right, it is about fitting in too, although remembering it's ok to stand out in order to fit in!
MLSM - yes, the research is fascinating.
Motherporridge - it's amazing how much of a role non verbal communication plays in our interactions.

At 13 September 2011 at 10:27 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the comment about throwing comments in the bin fab idea.

My daughter has been bullied since the age of 5 on and off. Now at 12 she is just starting mentoring (yesterday) to try and help her to be able to cope with it.

We do and I am very lucky have a very good relationship so chat all these things through. The Summer many a dog walk was used talking about feelings and how she could cope with them.

She is rather like me and a girl to stand up for what is right which in turn can mean as your not a crowd follower and not going to be mean to other's just because apparently that is cool so it turns on you instead.

Interestly in a book 'Bullies, Big mouths and So called friends' there is a quiz both my children took it.

The result for it was Oscar who has never been bullied his answered indcated that he would be unlikely to be. On the other hand Bex'x answers indicated she was the type of person to be bullied.

If looking on if a friend was being bullied Bex and Oscar would stand up for them and give advice about how not to let it upset you. It is just getting Bex to do what she would to help a friend to do.

Girls I am afraid to say are the cruelist, our challenge goes on here but I feel something has changed in Bex to give her the strength to cope.

Thanks for that, will look at resources though they are prob in my bookmarks :-(

At 13 September 2011 at 14:10 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

great vlog - I really liked the topic words leading into you talking about them. It felt really straightforward and clean (does that sound crazy?) Great food for thought as well. My experiences with Zeph have really highlighted how much his general mood affects how he deals with bullying. Clearly when things are good it's easy to put those comments in the bin. Definitely going to use that tip with him, such a strong image to visualize , going to use it myself as well. Thanks for some new thought provoking angles on an age old problem :) We talk a lot about why people bully, stressing the empathy angle and it's great to think about "bully proofing" - avoiding it as well as mopping up afterwards.

At 14 September 2011 at 20:25 , Blogger The Alexander Residence said...

Ali - it's so complex isn't it, thanks so much for sharing this. I agree there seems to be something about girls and bullying that can be so hard to unpick. The book sounds very interesting, especially the quiz. I think we have to be careful not to label children who are more likely to be bullied as weaker in any way, from my experience this wasn't the case. I hope things improve for Bex this year, she sounds like a really lovely girl with a strong heart.

Dichotomy of - Thank you. I know just what you mean about mood, Miss L has been shattered this week after starting school, I watched her let her friend's tease and wind her up into a frenzy in which she launched a pack of playing cards at them. I wasn't sure if it was rising to the bait, or defending herself. Doing this vlog has made me think a lot about helping her build positive relationships. I'm not sure of all the answers, but I think there are definitely some new angles to explore.


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