This Page

has been moved to new address

I'm grateful for...

Sorry for inconvenience...

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
Alexander Residence: I'm grateful for...

Sunday, 6 February 2011

I'm grateful for...



In anything but a normal week, the week between Mum's death and her funeral, I found this linky from Mummy from the Heart, my Mum taught me to do this 3 reasons to be cheerful exercise in my diary, so it seems fitting to join in.  I'm grateful for...

1.  The support of amazing people. My mum friends sorted out a rota for looking after the kids and delivered casseroles, chocolates, flowers and listening ears. Friends and family sent cards, texts, emails, flowers, plants, balloons, babysitting offers, memories and silly banter.  My best friend agreed to do the reading I want to do at the funeral but know I can't.  Blogging and tweeting friends sent me messages of support. Mr A keeps on loading the dishwasher, dressing the kids, clearing the trail of debris I leave behind me, letting me rant.

2.  Writing my Mum's eulogy has been very cathartic and helped me to make so much sense out of her life and death. My Dad, Aunt and brother and I worked together on it. I have learnt about Mum as child, a teenager, a mum, a play therapist, a wife. I can see the through lines in her life, how learning about nature at primary school led her to teach my children how to look for insects in the garden.

3.  My kids are showing their grief, talking,crying, playing about it very openly. Children are so honest about death, their attitude is actually very liberating to us adults.  Mr A bought Miss L a spider preserved in plastic, when she showed it to my Dad, she simply said 'it's dead'.  Initially we all exchanged uncomfortable looks, but as the afternoon moved on her openness really helped us to talk too.

This weekend she decided she wanted a 'Gran garden'.  I ummed and ahhed, where shall we put it, should we ask Grandad what to plant, when shall we do it, what plants shall we buy.  She wasn't having any of it, she saw some bulbs in the supermarket yesterday and some daffodil plants, put them all in the trolley before I could protest and this morning made me go outside and just started digging.  Mr G was soon happily popping bulbs in the holes we dug.

To be fair the bulb boxes said plant in Feb.  I don't know what will appear come May/June but I know it will make me smile, and if they don't appear we'll just go and buy some bedding plants.  To be fair if they haven't grown by next week she will probably demand we buy some plants anyway.  Four months is a long time when you're four.

Labels: , , , , ,

14 Comments:

At 6 February 2011 at 23:38 , Blogger zookeeper said...

Lovely post. I lost my father to cancer a few years ago. I remember that throwing myself into arranging his funeral, and also being with friends and family and all of us getting rip-roaringly drunk at the most wonderful wake made his 'send-off' feel joyful as well as sad. You must be so raw right now but you will write from the heart so you talk about your mother on your blog as much you want. One day you will read the posts back and see that blogging is a useful catharsis. I wasn't blogging when my father died, but lost a dear dog earlier this year, a Greek stray we rescued on holiday. I wrote about him over several posts, and had an extraordinary response from fellow animal-lovers. We've all got mothers, fathers, beloved pets, we've all lost somebody so your experience is relevant to us all x

 
At 7 February 2011 at 10:46 , Blogger SuperLittleMen said...

I hope the bulbs grow and you get a lovely garden, funny how kids deal with these things and I think a Gran garden sound lovely, somewhere you ca all remember someone so special x

 
At 7 February 2011 at 10:52 , Blogger Mom on a Wire said...

What a lovely idea, I think the Gran garden will go a long way in healing all of you.

 
At 7 February 2011 at 10:55 , Blogger The Alexander Residence said...

Zookeeper - thank you so much for sharing your stories, I am so sorry for your losses and have just been to your blog to read about Klefti. Gorgeous.
Your comments really helped, perfect timing thank you. Its hard to know what to blog about right now, but you are right it is cathartic and we have all experienced loss.
Superlittlemen - Thank you, I think it will be an 'eclectic' little corner of the garden but I think Gran would be proud!

 
At 7 February 2011 at 10:56 , Blogger The Alexander Residence said...

Thanks Mom on a Wire - I think it already made a start :)

 
At 7 February 2011 at 12:43 , Blogger Kate said...

So glad to see you back. You have been sorely missed. I love the idea of a Gran Garden - how wonderful kids are!
It's amazing how the process of death, funeral etc has evolved into something that is so healing. Friends and family are amazing - esp the stories they share with you. Funerals teach you what you feel you should have known already about the person. Hope it is all helping. xx

 
At 7 February 2011 at 12:47 , Blogger Michelle Twin Mum said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. I think it is brilliant that your kids are being so open and helping you to be so as well. I can not even imagine, my prayers will be with you.

Are are a very strong woman to join in with Reasons to be Cheerful at this time.

You left me a comment about writing a post for new bloggers fortnight, that would be wonderful and your subject is perfect. Please send it and s short bio of yourself over to mummyfromtheheart at virginmedia dot com. No hurry though, if it is outside the fortnight, I'll add a special day for you.

Mich x

 
At 7 February 2011 at 14:55 , Anonymous helloitsgemma said...

aaaaah fab post X

 
At 7 February 2011 at 17:21 , Blogger zookeeper said...

I wrote off the cuff, late at night so glad it was received as it was meant. Thanks for reading about Klefti. Everyone said 'he's not a dog, he's human.' Good luck with the Gran Garden. My girls are only just starting to talk so I look forward to being able to appreciate their directness too, whatever the subject matter. x

 
At 7 February 2011 at 20:09 , Blogger Hot Cross Mum said...

I am so, so sorry to hear about your mum. You show amazing strength and positivity here and the garden is a lovely, lovely idea. I am sure she would be extremely proud. x

 
At 7 February 2011 at 21:56 , Anonymous Kath Parklover said...

I agree, the garden is such a lovely idea. Hope it blossoms and blooms. And like you say, if not, you can pop something pretty in there!

 
At 9 February 2011 at 08:37 , Blogger Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

I remember a few weeks ago on one of the Gallery posts, we shared the news that your mum and my dad were both very poorly.
I'm so sorry to hear your mum died.
My dad died on Friday morning. It was still a shock at the end, despite us knowing it would come at some stage in the coming months. We have the funeral next Tuesday so I've been busy with the rest of the family writing about my dad's life and finding photos so we can do a picture board at the wake.
It feels reassuring to be sharing this sad time with you - I realise I'm not the only one and that we all have to carry grief around with us - but we also carry great love and happy memories.

 
At 10 February 2011 at 23:56 , Blogger The Alexander Residence said...

Kate I missed you too, and yes funerals are very healing aren't they.
Trish - have been over to yours and read about what you have been through. I am so sorry for your loss. What you say about being comforted by knowing you are not the only one grieving is spot on.
Mummyfromtheheart- thank you. Glad it fits, look forward to my first guest post!
Gemma, Kath and hot cross mum- thank you
xxxxxx

 
At 11 February 2011 at 23:51 , Anonymous Kerry's mum said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I love the way you write about her. I shall now go and blow my nose and dry my eyes. The gran garden is a brill idea. xxx

 

Post a Comment

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home