Dear Diary Little Legacy 19

Wednesday 16th November 2011
I awoke to voices shouting 'Shark'.  I stumbled out of bed and down the landing to find L and G performing daring sea rescues up the stairs, using the sheets that were drying over the banister. We scrambled through the school run, making it by seconds.  I worked at home in the day and after school we picked Daddy and his friend A up from the train station. Kids were very tired but excited to see them.

Wednesday 16th November 1983
Ill again? We went to the Doctors who gave you some medicine.  You and your brother made a library, went to Gran's, made a bookmark, decided to collect stamps and generally didn't stop.


The first entry is mine, the second my mum's.  My mum was a great diarist, I am a lapsed one, although perhaps my blog has filled that space.  When I was 5, the same age as my daughter is now, my mum wrote a diary just for me.  My brother was also exactly the same age as my son is now.

I'm enjoying in dipping in, seeing the world from a 5 year old's perspective, sympathising with the frustrations my mum clearly felt at managing two small children, and relishing as she did, the milestones and the magical stuff children do.  It's comforting to know even though she's not here to ask about those times, that I have a connection to them.

Do you have diaries of people in your family?  Do you keep a diary?

Little legacy is a remembrance project , a positive and creative space, to celebrate small things handed down by predecessors.  Feel free to link up a little legacy you've been thinking about this week, or to leave one in the comments.  Here's the code and here's more on Little Legacy

<a href="http://www.aresidence.co.uk/p/little-small-thing-handed-down-by.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb402/aresidence/acorn2.jpg" border="0" alt="@AResidence "></a>

Quality Time

I have been reflecting on how to achieve quality time with both my children. They are 2 and 5 and not given to respecting each other's space or need for quality one-on-one time. I took my son on a train to a blogging event and it really sank in how magical that time together, away from the normal routine was. He totally relished it, look at these smiles:

I made him this photo collage for his nursery show and tell, his keyworker said he wouldn't stop talking about it. Which made me feel I had hit on something very important. But then my daughter saw it and caught onto the fact that she had been at school and missed out. So over half term, while her brother was at nursery, I took time out to take her on a bus and a train to the local nature reserve.

Except my son saw the pictures we took at the nature reserve and he wants to go on a boat now. And my daughter is still bitter my son got to ride in a taxi on his day out and see London. I've started something big here I can see.

Which reminds me that Tamsin from Looking for Dragons  (a great blog about adventuring with children) told me about a lovely idea for giving individual children quality time.  A couple she knows take it in turns to take  one of their children out somewhere on the date of that child's birthday every month, while the other parent takes the other child on the date of their birthday.  The next month the parent takes the other child.  Great system.

How do you get quality time with all of your children?  Or even just with one child and one parent?  Any tips?

Play Therapy Little Legacy 14/The Gallery

My mum worked as a playtherapist for the NHS. This month the British Association of Playtherapists sent a copy of her obituary, which they published in their magazine.  It was beautifully written and I am so grateful for it, but it wasn't easy to read. I don't know if you have ever read an obituary of someone you know. I hadn't. Obituaries are a glorious celebration of life and achievement, but as a document they feel so black and white, so final.

I am only just realising the impact mum had on the lives of so many families and children. Mum tended to play down her work, (just noticed the pun there, ridiculous but I'm keeping it). Through play, mum guided hundreds of children and families through difficult times.

My mum played tirelessly. It seemed to be effortless for her to get down to a child's level and be led by them. I've met few people so childcentred in their approach.  After teaching for many years she found her true vocation in play therapy.

This week I tried to take my son to pre school gymnastics. He took one look and ran out the door. At first I tried to pull him back, listening to some seriously dodgy, old school parenting voices in my head, saying I mustn't let him give up and that it was wrong to let him get away without trying.

And then I heard my mum's voice saying 'childcentred'.  So I followed him outside and let him swing in the railings. It wasn't gymnastics, but it was an impressive kind of parkour.  In fact I think he could be the next pre school parkour champion. Before long he had started digging and found a worm. Then a ladybird crawled across my bag and we sat together passing it back and forth between us giggling as it tickled us.

The sort of activities my mum absolutely relished. It is so easy to get lost in the sea of parenting voices, but this week I found my anchor.

Mum teaching L to search for insects

Little legacy is a remembrance project , a positive and creative space, to celebrate small things handed down by predecessors. Feel free to link up a little legacy you've been thinking about this week, or to leave one in the comments. Here's the code and here's more on Little Legacy.

<a href="http://www.aresidence.co.uk/p/little-small-thing-handed-down-by.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb402/aresidence/acorn2.jpg" border="0" alt="@AResidence "></a>

Pop over to the The Gallery at Sticky Fingers where the theme is inspirational people.

Surviving the school run with a toddler

'Mummy pull!',  'I do it my own', helping sis home from school, nice belt.

How free range should a 2/3 year old be?  I ask myself that a lot.  I read something recently that suggested not as much as my boy is, but I think once you leave the buggy behind it's hard to go back.

We have done the school run, with Miss L for a whole six days now.  The main problem is keeping nearly 3yo Mr G happy.  I see lots of kids his age sat in buggies, but having glimpsed the freedom to roam offered to his big sister, he will not be restrained. The trusty old McLaren buggy was retired some months back, after an afternoon of triumphant escape acts in the city centre.  My boy would give Houdini a run for his money.

He loves the balance bike and scooter, and he will go a long way on them.  But he sometimes runs out of steam part way home and I end up carrying him, the scooter, Miss L's book bag, a pile of coats...as I wrote last week, I am my mother's child, fully capable of producing school run scenes resembling Quentin Blake illustrations.

I found a great solution to this recently, the Scoot'nPull.  I threatened to invent one a few years ago, but I didn't, and another mum did, look, here she is:

It's a funky strap in a range of great colours, that attaches to the scooter so you can pull it.  It was surprisingly effortless to pull him along.  The hand loop also fits round the back wheel to make a carry strap, great to free up a hand or hang over the edge of a pushchair.

We also found it really useful for stopping the boy wonder from scooting off too fast and to keep him close by on busy roads or in crowded areas where his need for speed terrifies me.  I feel some parents let their kids go way too fast, too young, next to major roads on these things.  I can't bear it.  But this way he can scoot or balance bike along while I talk to Miss L about her day.

How free range are your kids? When did your say goodbye to the buggy? Any tips for keeping little ones in check through the school run?

Giveaway

If you have a boy or girl wonder that needs tethering, or yanking home, I have some Scoot n' Pull's to give away.  UK entries only.  Please leave a comment below and make sure you leave your twitter or blog contact details.  Or you can buy one at the bargain price of £6.99 here.

Back to School carnival

Three days in to the start of the life of a school running mum and I thought, instead of drowning myself in gin, I might pat myself on the back, both as a parent and a blogger, with a mini back to school carnival. (Indulgent yes, but hey I think it's worth it)

Here's me talking for Britmums about back to school jitters.  And yes Miss L and I did have a school run dress rehearsal, although not in costume, that would have been too much effort.

And here's where Netmums featured my post Good Luck Lady L, you will be FINE, they called it a poem and it kind of is, on starting school, or rather the long, laborious build up to it.

Finally don't miss my Little Legacy on School Gate Fails this week, if you've seen any of my posts about my mum you'll know she was an amazing lady. For one week only I reveal the truth about 'good enough' parenting: 'We were the last ones legging it to the door, bags, coats and packed lunches flying behind us, like something out of a Quentin Blake illustration.'  Possibly my favourite simile ever that one too.

And here is the little lady L herself, with a big cheesy grin.

Hope back to school went really well for everyone.

love
Penny

Good Luck Lady L, you will be "fine"

'How old are you?' said the lady in the uniform shop.
'Nearly five', you said.
'Oooh, so you're just starting school, which one?'
'Sow-fuh-biddy-fod- in-fronts,' you said.
'That's a mouthful', she said.

'How old are you?' said the woman in the shoe shop.
'Nearly five' you said.
'Starting school, have you been to visit?'
'Yes,' you said.
'Did you like it?'
'Fine,' you said.

'Do you go to school?' said the hairdresser.
'In four sleeps,' you said.
Is your teacher nice?
'Mmmm,' you said.

'I've got a blue dress,' you said.
'Good luck at school', said Grandad.  'You look like such a big girl in your uniform'.

'How do you feel about school?' said Mummy.
'I'm just going for a couple of hours while you do some jobs, that's all,' you said.

'What a big girl', said Daddy, as the three of us sat in the cafe at lunchtime.

'Good Luck' said all your 'aunties' as they whipped out balloons, cake, pass the parcel and a pyjama party.

'Good Luck' said all your friends, sleepy in their cake smeared pyjamas.

'Can I go to bed now?' you asked, for the first time ever.

Don't blame you, all that hype would do my head in too.

Good Luck Lady L, you will be FINE.

Back to School Jitters

Less than 3 weeks now until Miss L starts primary school.  Here's what I am thinking...



Have you been there?  Any tips?  Or are you going to be there this Sept?

Tips on starting primary school Guest Post by @Needaphone

Miss L starts school in September.  I don't know where the time is going, the 4 and a bit years since she was born, the months since we applied to primary schools, the weeks of the summer holiday, the sleeps left until the big day.  I asked my very witty twitter friend Claire, who is a teaching assistant, for her tips. Claire blogs at Ninja Killer Cat, and tweets as @needaphone.  My teaching experience is secondary, so it's brilliant to read a primary school expert's perspective.

Over to Claire:

Working in an infant school is great, being their inspiration means the world to me, I say this because at the term I received many gifts, but it wasn't the wine or the chocolate that touched me, but the cards, one in particular that had this sentiment from a parent. "... comes home speaking of you fondly, thank you for making her Year 1 a magical time".  I know that this child will make a happy transition into year 2 with absolutely no problems. 

Here are a few tips to help the transition from reception to year one. Pre Year one is know as EYFS ( Early Year foundation Stage) with a huge emphasis on play and free flow between the classes. There are structured activities within this but it is more relaxed.

So my top tips from moving from reception to year one are:

1. Remind them that when they move from nursery to reception they had less play than when they did at nursery.

2. If they have siblings explain that they will learning things to teach them, and even yourself as parents. We all like to learn new things don't we?

3. Factor in treats and rewards to counteract the fact that there will be less playing. This doesn't have to cost you any money, even a trip to the park can help.

4. If it's of real concern, have a word with the new class teacher before they start, sometimes they may have be split up from their friends. This is less likely to happen in Year 1 but never the less it might, this is more of an issue in the transition from Infants to Juniors.

4. Don't forget they have just had six weeks off, that is enough to confuse and disorientate the adults let alone the children.

5. Remind them that their play times will be an opportunity to let off steam. I know that at my school time we have 'Golden Time ' where some sort of treat comes into play.

6. Routine is key, try and keep to a routine during the holidays. They may go to bed later during the holidays, but week by week gradually bring this to their usual bed time, that they will have when at school. Also always  make sure that they have had breakfast before they go to school, and not on the way to school.  It is hard sometimes when you have a line of children behind you making you look like 'the old woman who lived in a shoe'

6. Encourage the development of characters, they are keen to be individuals, but need the safety net of the herd of the classroom too!

7. Any child can find it hard to make the transition. I am not going to say its just boys that have these problems. It is the step up in concentrating that can also be an issue, so play games that help with with this situation again from snap - junior monopoly. Perhaps have a toy that will help them go to school and be waiting for them when you pick them up.

8. Accept it is going to me a little tough for the first few weeks and don't forget the teacher/ teacher assistant is just as likely to be stressed (despite it being their job).

9. Make them part of the process.  I can't stress how important this is.  Let them within reason, choose their school shoes, bag etc. It really does make them feel grown up, though at the same time it has to be fun, they are only children after all.

10.  Don't mourn them going into year one , I know its hard seeing them grow up. Try and focus on what joys and achievements this next stage will bring.

Thanks so much to Claire for the really helpful tips.  I can totally relate to staff being disorientated too.  I stood back from quizzing Miss L's new teacher after our visit, remembering how totally overwhelming meeting 25 new and very needy faces for the first time is for a teacher. I just smiled and wished her a lovely summer.  We still need a few more trips into town for uniform bits, and Miss L will be leading that, even if she does refuse to let me in the changing room like last time.  I'm holding on tight to tip number 10 too!

Anyone else about to face this milestone?  Any tips to add?  Please make Claire feel welcome, and go follow her on twitter!


My top teacher tips for primary to secondary transition are coming soon.  As always, guest posts are very welcome, contact me.

Modern Art and the 4 year old

This weekend, my Dad and I, took 4yo Miss L to an exhibition at Nottingham Contemporary, inspired by Jean Genet, a French writer and playwright.  I'm bored with stereotypical pre school activities, my cultural life is dwindling, and besides, I wanted to see what Miss L would make of a modern art gallery.


There were a few hiccups, like when the gallery attendant politely asked Miss L stopped taking photos of Giacometti's multi million pound bronze sculpture 'Man Pointing' on her Vtech camera. (Just for the record, before you think 'wow those vtechs have great picture quality' and rush out to buy one, this is not her picture).

Giacometti -  Man Pointing

We also had a not so profound discussion about Man Pointing, but hey it's early days.

Me: What's he doing?

L:    Pointing

Me: I wonder why?

L:    Dunno.

Me: What's it made of?

L:     Hmmm...Plastic.

In another room a small child was in tears after a gallery assistant had to rush in and coax him off one of the exhibits, a stool covered in newspaper print. Easy mistake to make when your little, in a room with both 'art' chairs and 'everyday' chairs.


Miss L was also fascinated by a video installation of a woman in a fur coat.  I stood next to her, slightly nervous about where the film was heading, attempting distractions.  But, perhaps sensing this, she dug her heels in and watched it to the end, where it was suggested that either the coat brings her immense pleasure, or comes alive and kills her.  We discussed the evils of the fur trade and moved on.

Genet was an advocate for the Black Panther Party, and for the Palestinian cause, the focus for the second half of the exhibition.  Trying to explain the political murals of Emory Douglas, Culture Minister for the Black Panther Party was challenging, but not impossible.  The sheer scale of it excited her. 

Miss L by a mural by Emory Douglas

I only just managed to stop Miss L picking up one of Mona Hatoum’s glazed ceramic hand-grenades in various colours, but this led to an interesting discussion of shapes and textures

Mona Hatoum by DARAT AL FUNUN

So my top tips for visiting galleries with under fives (a.k.a. notes to self with the benefit of hindsight).

Dad and Miss L

1. Explain the rules and the space before you go in.  What is the space about? What can/can't you do?  Oh, and these rules 'might' have to change a little as you go round.

2. Try and clue up before hand via the website, so you can understand the exhibition yourself and interpret it for a small child simultaneously. 

3.  Rather than explain ask questions.  At first answers might be brief, but questions encouraging the mind to wander independently. Think colours, textures, emotions, objects.

4.  If there's a visual brochure suggest children use it to spot the exhibits as they go round. Or play i spy.  Where permitted, cameras are a good way to document what they liked, to talk about later.  Brochures are good for cutting and sticking at home.  A whole day of art gallery themed fun.
5.  Look out for child friendly activities.  Nottingham Contemporary has a family room and activities on all over the summer.  

This trip has inspired my Little Legacy for this week.  More on Thursday.

Graduation Day came 17 years early

Last week was emotional.  Miss L and her friend Mr L made their first visits to their (different) primary schools and 'graduated' from the pre school they have both attended.  They were given mortarboard hats and certificates and sang a special song about their time at pre school.

It's sad they will go their separate ways, after being inseparable at pre school, but I hope their friendship stays strong, and I know they have the friendship of their little brothers, and their mums, to anchor that.

On the way to school Miss L asked me how the world was made and how people were made.  It struck me as a sign, on many levels, that she is ready for school.  Then rather spookily, last night Mr L's mum sent me a text to tell me she had been struggling to explain the universe and religion, in response to a never ending torrent of questions.  

The whole universe is opening up to them. It feels timely that they go to school.   But it's not easy, change is exciting, but change is unsettling.  For them and for us.  We've all shed some tears over the last week.  I won't be wailing at the school gate, I am too excited for her, but I think shedding a few tears is part of this rite of passage.

I absolutely love rites of passage, I think they are hugely important.  So I even managed to pull out the posh camera and take a half decent graduation shot.  Wonder if there will be another one in 17 years?

Miss L's Feeling For Snow

Miss L is learning lots of Beatles' songs at pre school at the moment.  Last week I nearly choked on my porridge when she started singing a slightly condensed rendition of When I'm 64 that went: 'When I get older, drinking some wine, many years from now.'  

I think The Beatles are having a bit of an impact on her.  She has been playing in the snow and making up songs about it.  I had my phone to hand and got it down roughly:

The snow fairy lives in your garden.
She will make footprints.
She will go outside.
She might go in your garden.
You might see the footprints.

I love it in your garden so much,
that's where I flutter about.

I can flutter about.
I can flutter about.

I love footprints,
I love footprints,
I love footprints today!
 I love footprints. I do!

The snowflakes fall down to the ground.

And whoosh and whoosh and whoosh!

We love...diddly do!
Diddly do...we love to.
We love...diddly do!

A little Beatlesesque but also reminds me a little of Winnie the Pooh too, when he goes out in the snow and sings 'How cold my toes tiddly pom....', or something like that.